The relationship that has taught me the most about myself is the one I am still learning how to have—with me.
Other people have helped me see pieces of myself. Loving someone has shown me how deeply I can care. Loss has shown me how much a person can carry while still getting up in the morning. Being misunderstood has made me question myself, sometimes more than I should.
But my relationship with myself is where all those experiences come home.
I know how to worry about someone I love. I want to know whether they have eaten, whether they are hurting, whether they need anything. Offering that same attention to myself can feel surprisingly difficult.
Sometimes I need rest, and I start thinking about everything I should be doing. Sometimes I need help, and I am already preparing an apology before I ask.
In those moments, I’m learning something about myself.
I have tied more of my worth to being useful than I realized.
That’s hard to admit when caring for people is such a meaningful part of who you are. I love that part of myself. I also want to be able to sit down without feeling that I have somehow let everyone down.
So this relationship is still a work in progress.
Some days, being on my own side means paying attention when my body asks me to stop. Some days, it means letting a feeling exist before trying to explain it away. And sometimes it means catching the way I speak to myself and asking, Would I say that to someone I love?
I am still getting to know the woman who exists beneath everything she does for everyone else.
I would like to give her a little room.
One Quiet Question
What have you learned about yourself through the way you treat yourself when life gets hard?
There is room for you here—even while you are learning how to make room for yourself. The porch light is on.
